I love to make lists. Always have. So I'm going to do a bunch of top ten lists today. I'm culling subjects from all over; my head, lists I've done before, old message boards, internet memes. I'm not going to order them, these will just be listed as they occur to me. I'm not going to do movies, because I just recently did a top ten blog for that, with explanations. I didn't include any comedies, though, so that's a good place to start.
Top Ten Movie Comedies
Kingpin
The 'Burbs
Pee Wee's Big Adventure
Billy Madison
Wet Hot American Summer
Hot Rod
National Lampoon's Vacation
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Spaceballs
The Birdcage
This was a tough list to make because a lot of the movies which are funniest to me aren't exactly "comedies" in the strict sense of the word. I tried to keep this list in the realm of films which are pretty much only out to make you laugh, which is why I'm not including Rushmore, American Psycho, Groundhog Day, Happiness, Beetlejuice, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Ghostbusters etc. They all make me laugh hard, but are all doing something besides that too.
Top Ten Songs
Abraham. Road - The Residents
Come Alive - Doomriders
Dopesmoker - Sleep
I Put a Spell on You - Diamanda Galas
Into the Void - Black Sabbath
(The Only Good Christian is a) Dead Christian - Foetus
Hell's Winter - Earth
Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns 'n' Roses
Sympathy for the Devil - Rolling Stones
Unas Slayer of the Gods - Nile
I did this one and posted it on my Facebook recently. It's a couple weeks old now, and I still feel pretty good about it. The only change I'm making is swapping out "Return Trip" by Electric Wizard for "Hell's Winter" by Earth. Here's why: Electric Wizard is such an important band to me, because they were really my introduction to true stoner metal, which is a significant part of my life. "Return Trip" is a great song, but as to it being the best Electric Wizard song, no way. There isn't one. Listening to EW is an experience, you can't really single out songs. Earth is the same way, and while I wouldn't call "Hell's Winter" a song highlight for them, I did once get totally stoned and discovered profound truths about life and myself while listening to it, so for that reason, it would be better suited for this list, which is just about personal preferences and not really about objective quality. I could also easily have "One in a Million" instead of Sweet Child, I love both songs close to equally, but the solo puts Sweet Child over the top. The fact that's it's so hugely popular means my natural instinct would be to include the "controversial" and much less well known "One in a Million" instead, but I'll be honest and keep it as is.
Top Ten Rap Songs
"Earth People" - Dr. Octagon
"Black Steel In the Hour of Chaos" - Public Enemy
"Murder Was the Case" - Snoop
"Gimme the Loot" - Biggie
"Natural Born Killaz" - Dre/Cube
"400 Degreez" - Juvenile
"Born II Die" - Spice 1
"Method Man" - Wu Tang
"Fuck tha Police" - NWA
"Ruff Ryders Anthem" - DMX
This list was much, much easier for me to do. I can just rattle that off, and, not for nothing, I can rap all those songs from memory. I actually prefer the remix of "Murder Was the Case" from the film of the same name, but I'm happy with either version being on my top ten. The only caveat with this list is that I've always included "Nobody Move" by Eazy E, which is just one of the most absurd, hilarious things I've ever heard. But, much as I like the song, I'm really not comfortable overlooking the violent homophobia in it anymore, so I can't enjoy that song like I used to. Most of these songs glorify terrible things, true, but there's a difference between fantasy and reality, and while Ice Cube and Dr. Dre are not psychopaths, hatred and violence towards transsexuals is all too real, and perpetuated by things like this. So it's out.
Top Ten Bands
Earth
Sleep
Electric Wizard
Isis
Sunn O)))
Pentagram
Black Sabbath
Guns 'n' Roses
Monster Magnet
Acid Bath
Pretty easy, safe list for me. Sabbath almost seems like a waste of a spot, because if you like heavy music, you really shouldn't even have to mention them. G'n'R seem like the odd men out here, but I can never not love that band. Never. As I get into more and more heavy music, I can see this list changing. Monster Magnet may get pushed out, sadly, because they really fell off and have been not good for quite a few years now. Their early albums are just so great it will be a shame to bump them, but it's their own fault. Bands I've gotten into recently who I could totally see making this list in the future: White Hills and Earthless.
Top Ten Directors (active)
Werner Herzog
Errol Morris
David Lynch
Michael Haneke
Wes Anderson
Gaspar Noe
Harmony Korine
Takashi Miike
Joel Coen
William Friedkin
Honorable mentions to P.T. Anderson, Danny Boyle, David Fincher, Lars Von Trier, David Cronenberg, Ben Affleck, Frank Darabont, Quentin Tarantino and Guillermo del Toro. A couple of these guys are really old, so I'm sure some spots are going to open up soon and my inactive list is going to require some shuffling. Let's see if I can do a favorite film for each. Herzog: Aguirre/Fitzcarraldo, Morris: Mr. Death, Lynch: Blue Velvet, Haneke: Funny Games (remake), Anderson: Rushmore, Noe: Enter the Void, Korine: Mister Lonely, Miike: 13 Assassins, Coen: No Country For Old Men, Friedkin: To Live and Die in LA
Top Ten Directors (inactive)
Stanley Kubrick
Akira Kurosawa
F.W. Murnau
Fritz Lang
John Ford
Alfred Hitchcock
Orson Welles
Alejandro Jodorowsky
Pier Paolo Pasolini
James Whale
Similar to Black Sabbath, seems kind of a waste to include Welles, but it's true. What can I say? Jodorowsky is making some noise about a return to filmmaking, but for now I'd say he's still inactive. Favorites: Kubrick: The Shining, Kurosawa: Yojimbo, Murnau: Nosferatu, Lang: M, Ford: The Searchers, Hitchcock: Frenzy, Welles: Citizen Kane (sigh...), Jodorowsky: The Holy Mountain, Pasolini: Salo, Whale: The Bride of Frankenstein
Top Ten Cartoon Characters
Moe Syzlak
William Murderface
Daria Morgendorffer
Harley Quinn
Bugs Bunny
Lisa Simpson
Randy Marsh
Squidward
Zorak
Velma Dinkley
It's interesting that the first two characters that come to mind are two of the most self loathing sacks of shit in any cartoon. "Hey, hey, I may be ugly and hate filled, but... what was the third thing you said?" Also, between Daria, Lisa and Velma, I clearly like brainy girls. And Harley, too, I guess. She was insane, but she was a doctor, so she was clearly pretty smart. Bugs and Randy Marsh, while I never would have noticed it before making this list, are actually sort of similar. They're not particularly skilled or successful, but they're just sort of high on life and have this kind of joie de vivre that makes them lovable despite the fact that they're kind of losers. I admire them both. Zorak and Squidward are basically the equivalent of Stanley from The Office, so I can definitely relate to them. Take all these silly characters together, and you might actually get a sketch of my personality. That's why I like 'em. For this list, I included only characters with a well defined personality and presence. Minor characters like Futurama's Robot Devil are great, but a different sort of thing. And I could have easily filled up this whole list with Simpsons characters, so I wanted to avoid that. In fact...
Top Ten Simpsons Characters
Moe
Lisa
Krusty
Milhouse
Smithers
Mr. Burns
Barney
Sideshow Bob
Lionel Hutz
Kirk van Houten
Hard, but not too hard, to narrow down. I love Skinner and Chalmers, but in truth, they work best as a duo. Whereas, by contrast, Burns and Smithers are a great pair, but I think they work equally well on their own. Skinner is a pretty good solo character, and were this a top eleven, he'd probably be on it. The lovable loser is a great character, but I think Kirk van Houten does it a little better. Lionel Hutz is similar, but he's more of an unstable loser. "Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?" "...It's 9:30 in the morning..." "Yeah, but I haven't slept in days." Brother, I've been there!
Top Ten Comedians
Eddie Izzard
Louie CK
Doug Stanhope
Norm MacDonald
Dave Chappelle
Bill Hicks
Bill Cosby
Patton Oswalt
David Cross
Richard Pryor
Pryor and Cosby should go without saying, but I guess there's something to be said for including them on this list and not Carlin or Chris Rock or Eddie Murphy. All great, but it's a personal list. I did a list like this in draft format, five years ago, and I was able to wait until round two to take Louie (selected Izzard with my first pick). There'd be no way I could do that today. I'm guessing Louie would be the overall first pick in a comedians draft. Not that he doesn't deserve it. It's nice to see him blow up, as I've been a fan of his for many many years. I used to be a much bigger David Cross fan than I am now. I would have called him my overall favorite once. As I got older, I found him to be kind of a dick. I don't really disagree with most of what he's saying, but he's got a chip on his shoulder and he's kind of unpleasant. I don't blame him, growing up where he did. He's still very creative and funny, and definitely a top ten for me.
Top Five Quotations
"What is now proved was once only imagined." - William Blake
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” W.B. Yeats
"Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is." - Albert Camus
"Empty that which is full. Fill that which is empty. If it itches, scratch it." - Dieter Dengler
“Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't
edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most
intense obsessions mercilessly.” - Franz Kafka
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